Hello Doctor. *Huff* No, no, don't get up. *Puff* Yes, I did run here. *Wheeze* Strange, I feel slightly weaker now. Anyway, the usual spot, OK? Right, I'll set myself down here then.

Rated 2 out of 5 by lobothesacred3 from Lunar Dragon Song Review Story Story wise Lunar Dragon Song is a mess because it fails to elaborate on the plot effectively during the cut scenes. In fact the game oftern forces you to converse with the party in order to find out where you need to go and why. Dragon Song was an exciting opportunity to build upon the Lunar legacy. In terms of unique DS functionality, the touch screen can be used to move. Most of the flaws mentioned in this review will fade to the background if. Nintendo Switch Shortages Exacerbated by Resellers Using Auto-Buying Bots.

What's that? Ah! Yes, of course. The problem this time:

It's been 11 years since the last Lunar game was released on the Sega CD. The first two games in the series were sweet, simple, straightforward Japanese RPGs, which won many hearts but few minds with their sweet, basic but solid mechanics and wistful but endearing storytelling. Now, 11 years is a long break between any series' instalments, yes? You might say a startlingly long time to make just a few improvements, no? A tweak here, a tweak there, just to stay abreast of genre developments which inch forward with all the grim determination of a tectonic plate, yes? OK, OK I'll get to the point.

What the hell happened here then?

Can I be more specific you say? Sure. I'll shoot from the semantic hip; suck sound-byte, therapist! Lunar DS is a disastrous, ruinous game. It devolves every RPG convention to its lowest common denominator until all that is left is a primeval abortion of a videogame. It's an embarrassment to its Lunar parents; its MUD ancestors are probably blushing zeros and ones that their DNA is scratching around anywhere near this touch-screen. Set 1,000 years before its predecessor, it feels like it was designed then too.

Its errors extend even to the choice of platform: The dual screen set-up exacerbates and highlights the game's ill-conceived form, ill-presented format, witless dialogue and a litany of design choices made by a developer seemingly with eyes clenched shut, fingers entombed in mittens, hammering random, ugly, soulless code into a prehistoric keyboard.

More particulars, less posturing you say medic? Right. Hear this:

Running lowers your hit-points.

Yes. You are literally physically penalised and destroyed bit by bit just for running through areas in the game in an intelligence-defying decision to strong-arm you into fighting more enemies. It's something made all the more excruciating when you consider the battle sections of the game themselves, which sap two-thirds of your playtime, and from which you will be desperate to run even though it hurts to do so. The battle system is comfortably the worst in 20 years of RPGs - that includes all of the Romancing Saga series' disorientating, brutalising randomness. Why's that? In a clamshell: you can't choose which enemy to target with your attacks.

At the start of each and every fight you pick either ‘automatic' (whereby you just sit back and yawn while the game controls your team of three in an inevitable lead up to victory against up to seven enemies) or ‘manual'. In the latter mode you pick one of three options: attack, item or special. No option for where to aim the offensive moves. That is the full extent of the strategy. So your team might be on their last limbs, blood trickling from bruising eyes, with two enemies left, the tough one on the right teetering on the verge of glorious death only for your character to randomly attack the weaker, less threatening enemy on the left, leaving the wounded monster to wipe out what little desire remained for you to continue. It a meaningless choice to take enemy targeting out and is indicative of a wider failure to understand the very basics of what makes a videogame fun or even reasonable.

There are some new ideas buried underneath the dry, cracked surface, straining to reach the light in your eyes. Two battle modes can be selected when in the field, switchable with one tap of the stylus. In ‘combat mode', you receive a variety of items required for different quests as you defeat enemies, but as a trade-off you don't earn experience points. In the other, ‘virtue mode', you earn experience as you battle against enemies and after each victory a clock timer counts down. If you manage to engage a new enemy (mercifully visible on the field) before the clock resets, then the previously defeated enemies won't respawn and you can work your way across the screen until all are gone. Once you've cleared the area, you gain some hit-points and magic points, and you can open a blue treasure chest that usually contains new armour or weaponry. It's convoluted and ultimately redundant: both modes could have been combined into one (like in all other RPGs) and not made one iota of difference to your wider enjoyment of the game.

Missions, the cement between the battles, are entirely linear. There are side quests which can be taken on to earn bonus money by defeating certain enemies or collecting and delivering items but these mundane objectives, both in the main story and side-missions, are unsullied by imagination. Usefully, you can talk to members of your team at any time for a quick reminder of where you need to go next and what you need to do once you get there; useful because chances are you were doing something else (like playing another game when you were meant to be reviewing this) when whichever identikit character first told you what your next mission was. There's a fair bit of backtracking to be done later on in the game, more evidence of unpleasant game design put in just to make reviewers say that this game takes over 30 hours to complete, as if that were some kind of glorious badge of honour.

It is a mix of fast-paced and side-scroll gameplay and lets you swing through a horrific world full of hungry monsters, lethal lasers, and buzz saws. The primary objective is to clear the level without losing any body part. Stickman forest swing 3 person. Unlock exciting new characters using your points.

The storyline, traditionally Lunar's strongest facet, is passably constructed but the awkward translation from the Japanese breaks any fluidity with each untidy sentence construct. There's a reasonably graceful narrative arc, but it's the kind of arc that a rope of horse urine makes as it streaks through the air, fizzing, yellow, sterile and steaming; a mesmerizing spectacle that you can't quite fully tear your eyes from until it's useless, dribbling end.

And another thing. Yes, I'm ranting now. The next developer to use their game's subtitle as an acronym for its host machine gets stabbed in their Dangly Scrotum. Yes I know I said it was marginally clever when Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrows did it but, well, that's the kind of mood this game puts you in: unforgiving, unreasonable, annoyed and irritable. Lunar: Dragon Song is so relentlessly amateurish that, at times, it feels like a schoolboy's GCSE game design project. This is one of the DS's flagship RPG games. It deserves far better than this.

*Sigh*

It's just not fair. *Sniff* But, I think I see now. That's why I come here Doc. You make things clearer. I think all this hatred and vitriol is born from underlying genuine disappointment. Lunar: Dragon Song could, should and would have been the DS's first great JRPG, especially considering its lineage. But rather, what we have here is a wasted opportunity; one that turns your anger to frustration then to plain, empty sadness. It's the kind of sadness one has for a baby dropped on its head and then raised by wolves. It's stupid, incoherent and turned bad by some silly mistakes and bad parenting decisions. You don't really want it in your house but, underneath it all, you know that's not its fault.

Thank you Doctor. I think I feel better now. No, don't worry, I won't run home.

And see you in eleven years for the next blue moon.

3 /10

This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

Welcome to another edition of For What it's Worth, were bargain titles are examined to see if they really are worth your bottom dollar. Tonight we take a look at an Nintendo DS RPG which rides the coat tails of one of the most beloved games of the 90's. Of course I'm talking about Lunar: Dragon Song.

Many fans of RPG's fondly remember the Lunar series (Silver Star Story in particular) released for the PlayStation and varying Sega consoles. Those games featured original and uniquely designed characters, beautiful anime cutscenes and a gripping epic story arc.

With that I present to you this riddle: What do you do when you take everything that made the Lunar series great and reduce it to such a degree that it becomes a hollow shell of its former self? The answer: Lunar: Dragon Song, although that name makes absolutely zero sense. It was just Nintendo's shallow attempt to put the initials DS into as many DS game titles as possible. Although If they went with a title like Dragon Story or Dragon Saga (you know, one that actually sounds appealing) it would have made sense.

This was an attempt to recapture the magic of the series but sadly with a new production team guiding most of the project, it would become a massive failure.

Story: This story takes place roughly 1,000 years before Silver Star Story (I don't buy the lack of technological development over that entire century but that's just me) and stars a young delivery boy named Jian Campbell and his friend and co-worker Lucia, who deliver parcels as they fight various monsters along the way. Somehow (I will not spoil things) they end up getting involved in a struggle for the planet, as they must defeat an evil dragon master named Ignatius who wants to use the power of the four dragons to take over the world.

According to the game's mythology they are the guardians of the world sent by the Goddess Althena after creating the world from a baron wasteland. So it is basically a generic anime plot with generic anime characters complete with obligatory catgirl. Dictator in africa. I would say more but again I want to keep my reviews a spoiler free zone. But I will say that the story is so stock and generic that it is absolutely boring and the few interesting parts the player is given are out weighted by idiotic and disappointing bullshit.

Graphics & Design: The graphics aren't too bad. The characters look pretty good in combat as well as they do when they are exploring the game's world and there are some neat monster designs, although most of them are pretty stock. During the dialogue scene's, because unlike the other games in the Lunar series there are zero animated cutscenes (another reason why I hate this game). The DS has the technology needed to make animated scenes possible (just look at Professor Layton) and to cut them out of the game is a big mistake considering the positive impact they have made in the previous Lunar games. Anyway, as I was saying the dialogue scenes are pretty interesting considering they feature still pictures (which are drawn pretty well but they're kind of bland) of the characters with the dialogue on the top screen, as the sprite versions of themselves are on the bottom screen pantomiming the discussion. The pantomiming is actually animated very well but it is hard to notice when you have to look up at the top of the screen to read what they are saying. Why couldn't they have scraped the stills and put the dialogue with the sprites? Why I am on the topic of the stills and sprites, the main characters are designed pretty well although again they look like generic anime characters but all of the background characters look the same. All of them are carbon copies of other background characters, with the only difference being hair and eye color. Are we to belive that every village population in this world is inbred? I really hate the lack of creativity on behalf of the character designers here. They seem to have the same level of creativity as those people who dip Sonic the Hedgehog into MS Paint and claim to have created an original character.

Sound: The songs in this game are actually pretty good. Sure they aren't as memorable as the one's in Silver Star Story and may seem to be the same typical 'epic' JRPG type songs but hey, that doesn't mean the songs are bad. In fact the music is the best thing about this game.

[embed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY8EfvNaMpA ]

I apologize for the poor sound quality and the lack of video footage. Footage for this game is really hard to find. Probably because so few people are willing to buy it let alone play it. So to make amends, here is the opening to a much better game:

[embed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWDL3GOEZNk&feature=related ]

Gameplay: The gameplay mechanics are the same as any typical RPG but with a few added twists bad ones mind you, but twists all the same. First off, their are no random battles. Monsters are visible in the foreground, so all you have to do to avoid them is runaway. Second, battles make use of both DS screens. Monsters on the top and your characters are on the bottom. The monsters come down to you or you go up to them to attack them, which is actually a neat idea. In theory. As in, 'In theory communism works. In theory.' And third, you have the option to chose what you want to gain from battle. Either experience or items. Huh?

Ok so let me evaluate each of these three gameplay elements. First you have the ability to see the enemies on screen and dodge them. This is a good thing. As seen in games like Sonic Chronicles, running away from a potential fight when in a rough patch can be a real life saver. However, in Dragon Song when you run you also loose HP (which drains very quickly by the way) and if half of your HP is gone, you will be too tired to run. Well gameplay element number one sucks. How about number two? Well I do admit that the animations of each attack are pretty good, but the amount of time it takes for the characters to get to the top/bottom screen, attack and go back up/down again slows down the action to a screeching halt. Especially if you are fighting a whole hoard of enemies. So element number two is a let down. How about three? It just plain sucks. Considering you rarely if at all get money after winning a battle and the items you do get sell for very little in the marketplaces, of course your going to choose experience. Unless you are short for cash and need money to buy items (which will be a lot) and with the items being so expensive, you'll be battling a lot with out gaining experience points to level up. You could always deliver parcels to earn extra cash but for some dumb ass reason the delivery service never has the damn items your supposed to put in the parcel, so you have to win battles to get the items. And it takes forever to get all of the needed items to fill the parcel. What kind of delivery service is this? How can they run a delivery service without having anything to deliver? So element number three blows ass! These elements are why the game fails to be a good RPG.

Good RPGs let you run through the foreground, so you don't have to walk at a snail's pace to conserve energy. Good RPGs make sure attacking animations are only seconds long, so your not fighting the damn basic monsters for ten minutes. And good RPGs give you experience and items and money after winning battles instead of having to make an unfair choice between them.

For these reasons alone this game is a heaping pile of Fail!

Extra Features: A juke box featuring all of the songs in the game and a wifi only card battling mini game.

Replay Value: After you play through this whole thing (I can't see why you would other than morbid curiosity), there really is no reason to play it again. Ever.

Over All Value: Retail Price: $15 (used)

What it's Worth: $5 (if you like RPG's). This is being kind.

You might notice that I actually hate this game more than ATHF and the truth is yes I do very much but it gets a higher rating because it is at least kind of playable and the creators actually tried to make a good game. Even if it is a rather shallow, mediocre, uninspired, unoriginal, shipwreck of an attempt. I apologize for rambling on about this crap for so long. To show you how sorry I am, here is another cutscene from Silver Star Story.

[embed:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQK46VzKoAU&feature=related ]

Until next time: Happy Hunting